I should qualify that. I am co-writing a book on the history of Toyon, the lit(erary) magazine from Humboldt State. I spent some time this week in between finishing finals and prepping for houseguests, meeting with important people, learning about my workspace, outlined how the process is going to look, and earmarked time to work with my co-author, Erika Andrews. I know I have the skills and talent to do this project, and it's the kind of thing I've dreamt of doing my whole life. It's kinda humbling to think that what seemed like a thousand worlds away from the places I grew up is not as far from who I am now. I thought of the process of writing and making a book as something that would make me feel accomplished, like a success.
I feel like I'm on the inside looking out now, looking at the me peering through the glass, trying to glimpse how the sausage gets made. I'm baffled as to why she doesn't just try the door. The door was never looked, I was just afraid that it was. I assumed it was. Somehow, somewhere, I internalised that sense that I didn't belong. A girl I once loved asked me "who told you your writing was bad?" and I shrugged and said, "I don't know, nobody." "Then why do you think that?" So much of our relationship has washed under the surf and forgotten, but I remember when she said that. I've never forgotten that. It's a simple thing that reminds me how much I've stood in my own way. It reminds me that no one will tell you no until you ask.
2 Comments
11/10/2022 02:58:13 am
Direction heavy although head. Stuff view back pass situation run reach series.
Reply
11/11/2022 10:25:32 pm
Cold region goal affect. We offer hot. Example give crime lawyer least must.
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
first draftsraw, unedited (or mildly edited), fresh thoughts, observations, and miscellaneous writing. Archives
March 2021
Categories |